It's 2 o'clock in the morning. The rain was drizzling continously outside like my tears that were flowing continously down my face.
As the hard drizzling rain hit the ground forcefully, it became damp and then, soggy. The fresh, new, rich, green grass was soiled. The grass's colour shattered as it sank, lower and lower into the mud as it it was caught in a quick sand.
"STOP," I screamed as I looked up to the heavens, "why are you doing this?" My voice was coarse and my throat hurt miserably. Perhaps, it's just another way of God telling me that I should not open my mouth to say another word.
Suddenly, the thunder struck and my head flew to the doorway as someone tried to get in. "Sweety," I heard my father's demanding voice. "Sweety, open the door, now!"
I crubled up into a ball in the darkest corner of my brightly painted room. I stared at my textured seashell wind chimes, hoping that if I ignore him long enough, he might go away. "Sweety, open the door, now," my father said fiercely. Although, I wanted to scream and curse at him, I didn't. Instead, I obeyed like a good little girl and slowly walked towards the door, placing each step carefully on pine-coloured, varnished floor.
I paused at the doorway, which held paintings, paper snowflakes, and other artistic designs from my elementary school. "Why don't you go away," I screamed softly at him. "Go away, and leave me alone!" My tears began to flow again.
"Hunny, " I heard my father's voice once again. He began to pound agains the door, hard. I opened my door slowly and stood there staring at his feet, refusing to make any eye contact with him. As my tears dropped, one by one to the floor, my dad took a step into my room, one by one. "Hun, lock the door and come sit by your daddy," my dad said gently. No, not again! This can't be happening. Why? A headache started to form inside my head as the flow of my tears increased. "It's okay," I managed a voice just above a whisper.
I felt his disapproving eyes at me. Reluctantly, I locked the door and sat on my bed, opposite to him. So, he walked over and sat next to me, putting his hands on my back. I felt my body twinge at his touch. He lifted my face slowly with his hands. Then he moved forward to kiss me. I jerked my head back automatically and stared at him blankly. This just made him move closer to me. He just moved his hand around my waist and squeezed it. Then, he wiped my tears, slowly and hugged me tightly pressing against my chest against his. But he didnt bother to let go. An uneasy knot became to develop inside my stomach. The same knots I feel every night he's in here, but it doesn't seem to get easier.
He lowered my body to my bed and kept his chest pressed against my body. I bit my lip in misery and turned my eyes to the side, avoiding to see what was happening. But he forcefully turned my face to him and began to kiss me all over my face. I didn't say anything. What could I possibly say?
All of the sudden, somewhere in the midst of a kiss, he got off of my body and sat up. "Sweety, you do know that your daddy wouldn't hurt you unless you've made him mad. I love you," he said sweetly. I kept my eeys shut in shame, thinking about anything but he was talking about. "Baby, I'm sorry about hurting you. Let me see. Maybe, I can do something." He unbuttoned my shirt and let it open revealing my black bra. "You shouldn't wear a black bra, in fact, you shouldn't be wearing a bra at all when you're in bed."
I turned my body disgusted by his perverted remark. But this was a mistake. He unhooked my bra. What was the point in struggling at this point. Then, in one snatch, my pants were gone along with everything else I wore and I lay there in the nude and exposed. He turned me forward. I lay still, facing him for his inspection: "Baby, I told you to stop eating so much junk food. Now, look what you did to your body. You must have gained at least five pounds since last month."
I clutched my bedsheet tightly, in order not to do anything irrational. That will just lead him into more violence. "Honey, relax. Here, let me give you a mssage. But first, I'll turn off the lights so, you can sleep." Yeah, sleep, that's what I want, daddy. Eternal sleep. He rushed to turn-oof the lights, and soon, he lay beside me in my bed....
I woke up the next morning, somewhere in the midst of feeling forced, disgusted, and filled with shame. I was fully clothed and my bed sheets ere changed into a bright, sunny yellow. I brushed my teeth, took a shower, and dressed: a pair of black pants, a v-necked, navy blue top with a fall, navy-blue, fleece jacket.
"Good morning, baby" my mother said happily as I entered the kitchen.
"Yeah, it is a good morning, Mom" I said cheerfully and gave her my brightest smile. I turned on the TV as I sat down for breakfast.
"Honey,' my father's voice blasted through the hall, 'turn off the television. Those shows with teenagers touching and kissing each other will only poison your mind."
"Yeah, no problem," I replied obediently.
"Baby?"
"Yeah, Mom?"
"Your friend's at the door."
"Okay, just a minute."
I picked up my backpack and left for school. "Hey 'baby'," my friend mocked as I went out to meet her.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Ugh, don't ask. My father's such a hypocrite."
"Why," I asked her curiously. I didn't really care, though. She always has something to complain about and always, blowing her problems out of proportion. Get over it, life goes on!
